Be an Excellent Communicator with NLP

Neuro-linguistic programming or NLP is one of the most powerful applied psychology systems anyone with keen interest in the communication and persuasion fields can do to improve his convincing powers. Knowing exactly how people communicate will enable you to see the real matrix of communication, whether in person, via phone or any other electronic means such as email, texting and online chatting.


Rapport occurs when individuals synchronize into the same frequencies, where they clearly understand and empathize with what the other person is saying or where he is coming from. When you are in this state, the communication becomes much more powerful and natural, as the parties trust each other.

The standard pattern Neuro-Linguistic Practitioners employ to get in this empathic state are the following:


Refers to being aware of the gestures and mannerisms, including the important words (trance words); personal values the other party is saying, which you then try to feed back to the speaker. People trust themselves and the more you are present as a reflection of themselves, the more apt they are to believe you.

Note: mirroring does not mean being a copycat. It has to be non-blatant, almost invisible and yet perceptible to the person’s unconscious mind.

Pacing and Leading

Pacing means that you are demonstrating that you have an appreciation of the other person’s reality, which you can do by pointing out things that are undeniable in his current situation.

Leading means grabbing another by the hand and taking him to wherever you want him to go.

The general pattern is as follows:

Pace, Pace, Pace, and Lead. Which later becomes Pace, Pace, Lead, Lead. Eventually it becomes Pace, Lead, Lead, Lead.

Let us say you are a guy who wants to get acquainted with that beautiful girl you see in the mall, how do we apply this principle?

Hi, I know it’s completely random(P), and you probably might think it’s weird(P), as we don’t know each other and all(P), may I please know your name(L)?

The more you get in rapport, the less pacing statements you have to make and you can get away with more leading. An example would be:

Oh so you are just waiting for a friend (P)? Great! Let’s go sit down over there (L), tell me more about yourself (L), but text your friend so she knows where you are (L).

That is just an example and the same pattern can be applied whether for business applications, to resolve family conflicts, getting a better deal on a car etc.

VAKOG (Visual/Auditory/Kinesthetic/Olfactory/Gustatory) Sensory Channels

Each person is unique and predominantly communicates on any of these sensory channels.

Photographers and Painters tend to be V, Musicians A, Dancers and Actors K, Perfume designers O, and Chefs as G.

The preferred channel changes depending on the subject matter at hand. However, to add impact and for the communication to be clearly received, it has to be sent primarily to the channel the subject will be most responsive to.

Start with Chapter 1 – What is NLP? and return next week to read Chapter 4 – Read The Other Person With NLP Eye Movement

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